Involving Stepchildren in Wedding Ceremonies

For the fifty percent of men and women who walk down the aisle more then once
how to involve children from a previous marriage can be a challenge.  The most important message you can send is that whether a child is yours or mine, he or she
is now ours. There is a way to involve your children in a wedding ceremony that allows them to feel honored and included. Involvement is the key to making a child feel part
of this new union and for providing a message that a new family is forming.

Here are some simple ways to include children in the wedding ceremony and to help
to nurture the bonds forming within this newly blended family.

• ASK THE KIDS:  Always ask the children how they would like to be included.  They may have mixed emotions, so go slowly and be sure they are ready to participate.
  
• ENCOURAGE THEIR PARTICIPATION:  Invite the kids up to light a “Family Candle” instead of the usual couple-only Unity Candle.
  
• CREATE A FAMILY SYMBOL:  Share your family symbol with the children during the ceremony – some couples use family rings, pendants or other special engraved gifts. Family medallions are a beautiful way of honoring the child’s place in your new family.
  
• INVOLVE THEM IN THE WEDDING PARTY:  Younger kids will be honored to be ring bearers, flower girls or junior attendants, while older children can stand with you as an attendant, best man or maid of honor – or even walk you down the aisle.  Some children can be given the honor of handing a rose to their moms or grandmothers.  At the reception, include them in the cake cutting or let them make a toast.
  
• LET THEM SAY IT IN THEIR OWN WORDS:  If they are comfortable speaking at the wedding, children can read poems or letters they have written directly to you and your spouse – or just say a few words like “I love you.”  Be flexible:  kids may get butterflies on the day of the ceremony, and assure them it is all right if they choose not to go through with the reading. 
  
• ASK FOR THEIR COMMITMENT:  After you and your spouse exchange vows, older children may wish to exchange family vows with their new stepparent, in which each pledges to respect and honor the other and their new relationship.